Neko

You are so much stronger than you know. I can say honestly that I respect you and all that you have to face. If it were me in your shoes I’d probably… Kill myself. You go through a lot but in the end you’re still here and that’s what matters. I know it’s hard now, but things in time will get better. You are your own greatest enemy, and your own best friend, but here and now I want to tell you we’re all going to be here. The people in your life that try, and listen, will always be here to hug you and just take a beating. You mean the world to everyone. Don’t give up just yet. You are gold. You are inspirational. Don’t give up just yet my friend. You are stellar. You can pull through. I know we’re not that close anymore, but it’s getting there. I know a lot of things happen in two years, or even four, but you’ve grown to a strong person and it’s okay to cry. A sob is a good sob, and a good sob makes for another opportunity to start anew for the next day. Keep your head up darling, cause the sun don’t just shine on the top of your head but your heart.

W/ <3 Sumanta.

the angry moment at 5 am you have when you realized you’ve been single for a year and no one likes you and it just sucks major dick and it just rang 2012. not fair, is it? life isn’t fair though, so i guess it doesn’t matter but i feel like ranting since i haven’t ranted in a long time and i’m just really frustrated. i mean i know i’m a pretty mean person and i’m always hating on anything that moves but really? i guess it’s just a thing for me. well it’s not like i want to ever be married, or have kids (i do not favor children), and ever settle down…. but yeah. it just was very saddening ringing in the New year, Christmas, and my birthday (i’m pretty sure even though it’s in one month..) alone. it seems like it’d be nice to actually to be with someone. it’s not my main priority to be with someone, school matters more honestly, but it just bugs me. i have a great deal of friends who have their own special someone and i just sit the awkward corner smiling with the dumb smiling pretending i don’t mind. well i don’t, but it makes me sad because it just doesn’t feel… right? i guess that’s how it is. i mean honestly, since i’m being honest with you all here, i don’t have the best track record or anything of the sort… I guess I’m intimidating, snobby, probably a bitch to others, and I guess I’m just to stubborn, but really-__-. I don’t think I’m that horrid of a person. Blah blah I’m just complaining through a stream of consciousness that isn’t quite rational… Oh well. I’ll keep going since it’s past 5 am and most people won’t see this LOL. I’m not the prettiest, but I’m not horrid. Geez. I just don’t even know anymore. Is this some punishment? Well I’m an Atheist so… I don’t think I should have one, but anyways I am trying. I just think it’s not good enough since there’s NOTHING going on in my life. Like NOTHING. N-O-T-H-I-N-G. I picked up some bad habits I’m not too proud of too. It just makes me feel better honestly. I can’t tell anyone anything. I just can’t. I just don’t want anyone to know what I’ve done. I feel like if people knew they’d just have more reasons to hate me, dislike me, or just judge me more. I also don’t feel comfortable with anyone knowing me completely. I let that happen when I was younger and it most definitely blew up in my face and then the situation turned into me as the bitch, blah blah, like grow up you fucked up I just called you out on it. Yeah, I’m a pretty bitter person. But I guess it’s just what happens when you get older. I mean, I do not go through a single day without remembering all the bad things, bad people, actions, and everything I’ve lost and gained over the years… Credibility, image, social standing, friends, trust (which I’ve lost completely in everyone), and even an optimistic attitude. What’s a girl to do? It’s just the society and how it works these days. Now, I think I’m going to change my major to something completely different, so I make a lot more money. Money over everything, money on my mind. That’s how it goes, right? I guess there’s one person who doesn’t judge me, BUT it’s not like I’ll get feedback that I can actually do. Everything I’ve done is pretty irrelevant to anything now, so it’s just a deep dark secret type thing. No offense to all those people who love their families and see them as their love and such, but I don’t see that. I think blood means NOTHING. I don’t see the importance than the financial ties and the relationship. My parents raised me this way. I’ve seen them care less about another and you know it proves that in this lifetime everyone is in it for themselves in the end. Sure we make those crucial sacrifices to ones that are in our lives, but in return some day, I know they’re thinking that with it comes providing in an older state, taking care, or just some type of help, little or small to themselves. I’m not saying it’s bad or anything but it just doesn’t make much sense to me. Well this comes from who doesn’t have any siblings and her parents are rarely home for more than seven hours at a time, but yeah… I think it’s just how I grew up probably. Well on to the next thing on my very dark and weird mind. I got this question from my friend. It was a very hard question, but it was if you could kill anyone and get away with it, who would you kill? Now answers would seem very obvious, but no. I don’t think I would spare any individual the luck of me killing them. I’d rather torture someone, and let the suffer slowly and let them go to see the result of what they’ve done to me. To suffer for a lifetime is worse than death itself. No? I think so… It’s almost 530 AM. I should probably stop ranting because it’s getting way too long. Happy 2012 followers! YOLO. Stay GOLD.

i just want someone to be here and hug me, watch movies, eat, talk, nap, drive around aimlessly…. i wish. but wishes don’t come true.

YOU ARE AMAZING. <3

xoxo sumanta

uh we don’t have the best relationship, and no offense but you’re not really a mother figure to me. i’m sorry but you’ve never told me you loved me, hugged me, kissed me, or even said I’m proud of you, hell you didn’t even say good job for graduating or being in class cabinet, getting a license, or anything. the only thing you ever did was buy me whatever i wanted. that’s not enough. and it’s too late. i don’t even honestly love you. I appreciate you, but I don’t think I love you. People think it’s fucked up when I give this answer, but I just don’t. I’m not going to lie about how I feel. i don’t love anyone actually, besides the point, but yeah. you raised me to be this way. cold hearted, bitter, awkward, and emotionally unstable. you were just there to do stuff for me cause you had too, a moral obligation. But look at me now, you raised a bitter atheist with no connection to people but material possessions. but it’s fine. i like being this way. that way when i fire people or advance over them i won’t look back even once. Isn’t that what this society is about mother? surpassing other people. pure capitalism. net worth. thanks I guess. 

Uh, hello. I’m writing this late at night so no one sees. I’m so intelligent. Nevertheless, to my significant other- I have none. To my crush, well I have celebrity crushes…. Yeah it doesn’t count. I don’t want to really conversate about this because well I don’t even know if I actually like anyone right now. My love life is close to nonexistent. Oh well. But yea, I guess semi-not really-sort of-least bit-crush person. Hello. I know it’s not going to ever happen, I’m sure of it, and it’s just not in the cards. I feel it. So I’m not going to push or do anything about it. Something is off, and I know it’s not the right time for me. Nor will it ever be the rest of this year I’m sure. I just need good company. I’m scared to find out how hard I’ll get hurt this time… So I’d rather just not. I do want someone to watch movies with me, go drink coffee, go to the art galleries/museum exhibitions, hell even withstand me shopping, but I guess I don’t deserve anything. That’s why for almost a year it’s been, I have no one and nothing. I have every fucking thing in the world that I could ever want and I can’t have this. Money can’t buy love, I wish it could cause the pain I feel everyday when everyone is with their whoever or on a date or some bullshit sucks. People say I don’t try hard enough, but I do. I guess I’m not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not charismatic enough, not talented enough. Yeah, that seems about right. I just wish I had someone with me now. It’s getting cold and every year it seems I have no one, and I will continue to have no significant other. It happens. I guess my shadow is the closest thing I have to someone and I’ll keep using the money to buy momentary happiness. It’s worked so far. So I guess.. Never mind. I’ll leave it just at that. 

Uhm, this post doesn’t really apply to me…. I don’t want to have anything to do with children. But okay… Ahah. Well you haven’t met me and I haven’t met you. I really want to adopt a child if I have to have a child, so we’ll see. I want you to know that I come from a very well off family that has no real connection to the concept of family. I’m sorry that they’ll pour expectations on you to be the best and the most wealthy. I’m sorry that you might not even have a father to be around, knowing how I am, but I want you to know that besides all that I will be the most tolerant person. I am so open, caring, and loyal to those I do care for and I’m very rational. I promise to give you great advice and if you need help I’ll be sure to try my best. I’ll try very hard if I have you someday, if is the word here, but nevertheless I can’t promise you that growing up with all the money in the world is going to make you happy. I’ll try to show you that because it really isn’t. It’s easy to burn Easy to lose, easy to lose people with it. But you’ll always be in my sight. Don’t worry. I promise you’ll have a good head on your shoulders. 

YOU ARE PATHETIC. KARMA will beat your ass.

<3 sumanta

you would just see the things around you and how great you are. I wish you wouldn’t wish bad things upon yourself because you’re a great person. I wish you’d see that there are so many people that care about you. I wish that you would one day find out that without try there is no action. I wish that you would be happier. As a friend, I mean it, I really do. I know that when it’s late at night and when there’s time on your hands things seemingly creep up on you, but I want you to know that you don’t have to bottle it up and keep it all to yourself. I want you to know that there is always a solution and a way to everything, even if you can’t visibly see it, it’s always there. I want you to know that I will always be there to help you as a person. Life shouldn’t be about the ‘what ifs’ but about the things of now and the future. There is no use on dwelling on the past my dear friend. You can remember it for future mistakes, but it’s pretty much written in stone. I’m sorry we can’t go back and fix mistakes we’ve all done, but it’s just that. Mistakes. We learn from our mistakes and we take what we learn and apply it to the now and will be. You don’t have to listen to me at all, I know. I’m not telling you to listen to me, but I’m telling you to listen to what you need. If you don’t know what you need, well fuck, no one really knows what they ‘need.’ You have to find things out yourself. I wish you’d see that you are as valuable and fun as any person we know. I can’t say I know anything, or even a portion, but I want you to be truly happy. It makes me really upset sometimes that I can’t always make you happy as a good friend, I really try to, I do. I just can’t deliver everything. I want you to know that one day, it’s going to be okay. You’re going to wake up and see that you’re alive. Breathing, smiling, and laughing with your friends and family. You have so much, I know you know, but it’s only human to want more… I know that well enough. But I want you to know I’ll always be there if you ever really need something. Money, a ride, a friend, someone to listen, give advice, whatever. There are numerous people that are happy you’re alive and happy that you’ve come far from where ever you’ve been. I know sometimes it doesn’t feel like much, but we all grow as an individual and change with time. It’s not a bad thing to show feelings to people. Or share what you’re feeling. If you’re scared to, that’s why you have close friends that won’t ever judge you. I promise you this, not everything stays at a constant rate, but if you try you will get results. It may not be exactly what you are looking for, but hey, you tried. You have an abundance of potential, you should be using it! I’m not pitying you or trying to sugar anything. You don’t need any of that, you just need honestly, frankly. I’m sorry that you feel the way you do, but only you can change it. There’s no use is wallowing in your own self-pity. It’ll wreck you and make everything n your life worse. I know it very well. I spent day and night after night in my own pool of pity and it does NOTHING. Not a single thing, my friend. Just persevere, push forward. 

here I am giving advice and I’m drowning in a pool of insecurities. I guess that being bitter and alone does things. What the fuck ever. I can’t look at you in the face because you’re just putting a bullshit front to make yourself seem so superior. Hey! You’re a bad liar, friend and straight up rude. You’re indecisive and also a prick. I just want to hate you cause being near you makes me so angry. I guess no one has to agree with me, but you are fucking immature. An embarrassment, you do idiot things. You should still be in high school. But whatever. Karma will make your life very difficult soon. I promise you that(: 

glitteredspews:

sodeelightful:

wtfgillian:

Day one: Dear ex boyfriend/girlfriend

Day two: Dear future/current child

Day three: Dear crush/ current significant other

Day four: Dear mother

Day five: Dear tumblr

Day six: Dear dad

Day seven: Dear future me (a year from now)

This one is interesting, I’ll start tomorrow.

(via glitteredspews-deactivated20120)

that I am completely alone and no one will love me. Then I wallow in a pool of self-pity for another sleepless night, then wake up for school and forget about it until I have free time. Then I do it all over again. & to you, you think I have it so easy. Shut up, go complain your life to people who actually don’t care.